mimi's island

this week commemorates Magellan's landing on Guam. i was reminded of it when i took drive this past weekend to umatac and noticed that there was a little bit more activity that usual. sadly, it seemed rather lackluster. it prompted me to unarchive what little bit of guam history knowledge i was able to retain from the one class i had in high school and went completely blank...other than that magellan landed on these shores, only to be looted by locals and chased away to his fateful death in the Philippines...land of my ancestry.

i've been in a historian type of mood all week...cracking open dusty photo albums and swooning over middle school yearbooks....mostly to gain an understanding of how the hell i got here. there is an exhibit that has been quite the buzz lately and it was a good read in the latest issue of GU magazine - A Journey Home - Camp Roxas and Filiipino American History on Guam. i was intrigued about the story of the mass migration of my predecessors and further discovered that my grandfather was amongst the company of the first filipinos on island. he was not one of those dispersed from the camps but was actually a laborer at what is now andersen air force base. anyway, there is a series of photos which i found quite moving and have now added the preservation of this found history to my list of things to do. here are a few below.

circa 1949

the original is actually as blurry as shown but what was even better was the note he wrote on the back addressed to my grandmother and her children in tagalog....and it translates to "this is the reality of my labor. all i ask is that you study hard".

as you can see, my papa aged quite a bit while working here and he didn't leave until the rest of his family landed the opportunities he strived for. it weren't for post-war america, i would not be here at all. that's a very poignant reflection. the clearest memories i have of my papa are of him debilitated by stroke and confined to a wheelchair. i was about 9 when he died, almost two decades ago.

i have yet to see the exhibit, which ends soon. the website link above leads you to a 10-minute film that gives you a glimpse of the provocative material being exhibited at the guam humanities council.

Posted by at 1:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

recently i heard tragic news of someone i used to be in the company of. i am deeply affected by news of her passing. this one goes out to sandee, who comes from a family i was once a part of. i was just indirectly informed that at 26, she became terminally ill with cancer and barely made it to christmas day. she will be missed and my heart goes out to her loving husband and beautiful kids.anyway, this photo was snagged from myspace.

Posted by at 8:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

yesterday i attended an architects' discussion over lunch and the tiresome topic of the military buildup was brought up. and i'm sitting there irked at the number of reasons that it's being met with reluctance. it's not a mystery the people of guam inherently cling to their traditions. the highly anticipated influx being forced upon every vein of existence will greatly affect our landscape. already our streets are doted with dilapidated buildings and underutilized land. to say that over-building is irresponsible would be an understatement. the duty of an architect as a designer on this island is almost non-existent. here, we are merely problem solvers who are builders. my job managing these projects has exposed me to the very nature of this industry and the drawbacks of ambition. i think of responsibility and good design and i can only hope that there is room for it in our growth.

probably the most modern structure on our island, by ARi.

Posted by at 12:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

it all started in may. it was my 28th birthday - i planned a lavish dinner party where my closest friends attended at the triptych lounge in san francisco. we continued the celebration across the way at the icon lounge where we danced to our heart's content. mind you, home for me was well over 52 miles from san francisco and i still stuck it through. i had planned my trip home in january and knew i was due for a long vacation. i indulged in countless happy hours and more nights out without hesitation. a week later, i found myself back on Guam, celebrating amongst a new crowd of people and reunited with girlfriends galore. i dolled up, kicked up my heels, and stayed in party mode since then....rounds of shots, indulgent dancing, and coming home at 5am even if i had to be at work at 8am. it was a month-long vacation which ended in a celebration affirming my permanent stay on island. i returned to the bay area to pack up my goods and say my goodbyes in no other manner than to party relentlessly. i met up with old friends and partied in LA, Vegas, San Diego, and finally before leaving San Francisco....I threw a party for a hundred of my bay area friends, etc to share my final moments. then i stopped in hawaii and reunited with old faces and partied three nights in a row. i arrived on the day of my 10-yr reunion and celebrated like we were 18 again. everywhere i went i reminded myself that i was elated to be back home. people visited from off-island and i celebrated. then i celebrated with them before they left and now....my party mode has to simmer. i'm lucky my son is eleven years old and not eleven months old. i'm lucky my family supports my good times. i'm lucky i've got a more than a good head on my shoulders to make sound decisions otherwise. i want to have my architecture license before end-of-year. i need to save money to afford this life. i need to complete my homemaking. the party will not end but i can almost say i'll be done soon because i have reached a point of contention. its time to put my gears in neutral and enjoy the ride without endangering myself.

i've been partying for FOUR whole months. i'm not on vacation, i'm living here now....it's not anyone's birthday and as far as i know...everyone's came and left.

Posted by at 3:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

the last time i had to stay with my parents for an interminable amount of time was ten years ago, in high school. not that i am completely detached from them or run into conflict with them on a regular basis...but seriously, being at "home" while waiting for my own place to be ready is an experience that requires me to take intermittent deep breaths and remind myself that this is only temporary. my parents wake me up, check on me, cook for me, and tell me how to raise my child. while you might imagine all the possible luxuries and conveniences that accompany this...i can't wait, can't wait to be at my rental.
here on guam living at home is part of the norm, no matter what age you are. in fact, i find it rare when people don't live at home. and when a man says he has his own place, it makes for an effective pick-up line. lol.

Posted by at 11:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

today i went to my old stomping grounds, saint anthony school, to attend the orientation for the new school year. kylan starts school on wednesday and the way i feel about him walking the same halls as i did 15 years ago is absolutely indescribable. i went to introduce myself to his teachers, greet his administrators, and peruse the campus with such nostalgia....i nearly cried. recently i've run into my classmates from SAS and have gotten re-acquainted with a select few. i never imagined that i would be a mom at such a young age but i am proud to say i embraced it with grace and would not have it any other way.
its amazing how time has passed and i am so fortunate to have these years to cherish. i found the yearbook to which i served as editor to in 1993 and am glad to say that i followed through on what i had wished:

disregard the wave-tastic bangs and "brodee" nickname!

"May you follow your dreams....And may it be possible that we can look back in the past....and remember all the joy, laughter, and fun..."

Posted by at 1:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

yesterday i woke up at 4am and met up with some friends to go running. we ran from GCIC to Alupang Beach Towers...which according to our trusted "trainer" is about 3-miles round trip. it was nice being up before the sunrise and it gave me all the energy i needed for the day. i got ready for my first day doing the job that i came here for.

it was hectic and empowering and at the end of the day i was more than content. i had lunch alone....and didn't have any pending plans for after work or the evening. i am truly no longer in vacation mode. luckily i was able to find a partner to keep me happy. the night didn't end there because there was still time to meet up for an impromptu dinner. i was home by 11pm and asleep by midnight. that right there is proof i am really not on vacation.

Posted by at 3:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

for years since i've left to build the rest of my life, i've always come back to this place with the premise of leaving again. nothing is ever set in stone and my time here has barely begun but there will definitely not be any slowing down anytime soon. i am here to fulfill my career among other things and the bonafide status of practicing architecture on this island truly makes me happy. as always there is an agenda for my stay and it won't be me as a bystander. it involves huge life-changing ordeals that i know can only bring good things.

upon arriving, i was in the company of close friends and went into full swing. i attended the liberation day parade to bask in people-watching, soul food, and unbearable heat. the preparations for our 10-year high school reunion were priority for the rest of the day but i still made time to have a leisurely stroll at the mall with mags. i am still amazed at how many people one can ran into unexpectedly at any given time. after arriving early and leaving the celebration late on saturday....i was more than content. we topped of our reunion celebration with a beautiful mass where it had me appreciating being in the same church and singing the same songs that i grew up with. i was disappointed that i forgot the words to atan jesu christo (sp?) and have put that on my list of things to do. breakfast at shirleys with people that i am getting to know all over again was more pleasing to my mind that to the stomach and i could have done girl talk all day long but still had nothing to complain about at the end of the day. surprisingly i was still fueled with enough energy to meet a friend for tea, watch the sunset on the beach alone, and lounge at the outrigger lobby (alone). i didn't go home for a day.
i'll admit i pause and have bursts of freaking out moments when i realize that i am here. people will have to bear with me whining and adjusting while the thoughts of leaving california are still so fresh.
i am enjoying being entangled in the lives of all my friends and getting to know new faces and the home that i never thought i'd call home again. so cliche, but everything happens for a reason.

Posted by at 5:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

if you saw my room, you'd see i had good intentions....bins stacked in one corner, trash bag empty and waiting to be filled. the whole ordeal of packing has so much finality and everytime i think about moving....my stomach turns. the kind you get when you feel like bad news is coming. this is not to be considered a good sign but as i'm told....this is normal. i think i threw normal out the window a while ago. i did it weeks ago....the pros and cons list that convinced me either way and now that time is definitely creeping up on me, i am periodically stricken with panic. i never gave myself a pat on the back for this comeuppance....realizing now that i've walked away from the bad stuff with such ease and class. what does this say about what i left behind? or what kind of world was i living in the whole nine years? sure there's a lot waiting out there for me...but ugh. waiting! i'm waiting for the excitement to come...i'm waiting for that sigh of relief that will let me know things are right. they are never really wrong and i admittingly have absolutely nothing to complain about but this epiphany should be due soon and when it does...i can't wait to write about it!

Posted by at 7:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

this seemingly insignificant bottle of hand soap is actually a vessel for my current dismay. this target-brand method soap sits in my office bathroom taunting me because it was actually purchased at pay less in dededo (how it got there would be another investigative report). it reminds me of california because it is the same scent i use in the house, bedroom, and bathroom i already miss so much. it reminds of the target stores i won't be able to leisurely peruse through as much as i would please. next week marks my return to california but whether or not it will be to gather my life and relocate here or to merely reflect on the possibilities i left behind....that still remains unanswered.

Posted by at 9:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i've been having visions, premonitions, dreams that have been running my mind constantly. i've promised to keep communication lines open and stay accepting....this has helped me stay sane. but my mind just gets so troubled that now i'm trying to find ways to reach clarity. today a friend of mine called me to let me know she's called off her wedding and i am heartbroken. i want things to be right.i'm trying to learn from other's people's experiences and the insight has been helpful. everyone's different and i am just discovering myself.

Posted by at 8:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

lately i've been reconnecting with people that i've only said so few words to lately and it has been truly heartwarming....sharing old stories, laughing like children, and even learning new things. not that there was intentional neglect over the years (the phone does work both ways) , but there are just new reasons to be reconnected. i am learning i will never be alone and this reassurance gives me that positive push that i need.....like a swift kick in the ass, only a lot more enjoyable.

Posted by at 7:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

there are a number of things that almost instinctively take place when you're at odds in a relationship and all this is why i've sparingly shared my recent quandary.
on the D-FENSE
all your friends go on the defense as if you've called for backup and they are putting up arms. i am never inclined to accepting this type of feedback. it does not feel good hearing all the opinions they've been harboring before the outcome of your predicament.
just jaded (To be 1. tired, worn-out, weary;dulled or satiated, as from overindulgence)
some people will even go so far as to avoid relationships entirely. just because someone has wronged me in such a way, i will not let every human being that i cross paths with carry the burden of someone else's mistake. i will never be "anti-men", "anti-love", "anti-marriage", etc.
the scolding
i don't need to feel like an incompetent child by being told what to do. even when people need my ear for listening, i will never cross the line of telling you what you should be doing with your life, and how you should be feeling....unless of course you ask for it. and in my case, i never specifically ask.
gone wild
yes everyone may benefit from participating in a girls gone wild event but this is certainly not gratifying for me. subjecting myself to poor judgment and risking any impulsive behavior that i might not be able to recover from or undo is not a solution but just a cover-up and it could lead to bad decisions and even more trouble.

Posted by at 11:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Song of the Day[s o t d]: Show Me by John Legend

luke and lorelai's heartbreaking scene has been replaying in my head all week and i finally found the clip on youtube. this was last season and, of course, a lot has happened since then.lorelai wanted luke to deliver his promises because she's been waiting a long time. luke needs more time and can't make the necessary moves. lorelai walks out.

Posted by at 2:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

My acclaimed sit-com fave, How I Met Your Mother, has recently aired some episodes giving insight on Ted's (the main character) life as an architect. i wondered if he was "really" an architect until it was made clear in tonight's episode when his boss corrected his lack of an architectural license prevents him from qualifying himself as an architect. Ted's really like most practicing "architects" out there....project-managering and job-captaining their way to the top for recognition.

Continue reading "ted's really an architect" »

Posted by at 9:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

here comes those added challenges of parenting. anyone that knows me will affirm that i am an extremely patient and sometimes overly-nice person...so how that translates into parenting is challenging. of course i can't let kylan run his own life and now that he's getting older....getting him to be caught up with the appropriate maturity level is exhausting.

Continue reading "here comes" »

Posted by at 2:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

figuratively its not just that the "ball's in my court" but also that i must strap on some scrotum to pull a move where i will underhandedly entertain another job offer 1 month into my current tenure. the planets never aligned when i did my first round of searching and now after 3 months, a company i had previously interviewed with before not just called me in for an interview but it was in fact to present a job offer...and i did not see this coming. here i was updating my resume and pooling work samples while they already drafted my offer letter with salary and benefits neatly outlined. grateful, flattered, surprised, and delighted....but also anxious and guilty for having to tell my current comrades that i may be moving on. i have yet to comprehend everything and read the fine print before officially accepting...so we'll see. it sure does feel nice to know that i am doing some things right for my career. this is another one of this "forks" in the road. seriously i don't know why use these linguistic expressions if i'm always messing them up. lol.

Posted by at 5:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

as children we observe our parents and as we get older our understanding of the ways they have raised us influences how we begin to think about parenting/raising children of our own.
recently i've been exposed to the tragic circumstances within my family (not immediate) where they have become badly affected and continuously question the way in which they were brought up.

Continue reading "heavy hearted" »

Posted by at 12:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Today Kylan asks me "Mom Is it Okay if I like someone at school?" Why "yes of course" is my answer. "I am glad you are aware of your feelings. Remember it's part of growing up but also remember to have self-control" Does my 9 year old understand this? LOL. I'm glad he thinks he can tell Mommy anything but now I tell the world on my blog....or haven't I?

Posted by at 2:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So lately I came across some articles regarding birth order and am convinced that there is so much psychology that can be extracted from it. There were so many varying opinions I just had to analyze my own.
In the middle means less attention - The parents look to the eldest for responsibility and they really do come first in everything and the youngest gets all the attention in the world...because they are forever the baby.
Less attention garners eccentricity - the middle means oddball. The middle child is a far cry from the other two in terms of personality and their outgoing tendencies because they've spent their earlier years trying to outshine the elder and the baby. Middle child means mediator - playing the part of the middle means pleasing all parties and acting as a buffer, especially between siblings.
So all these I could relate to. Somehow I've evolved into the go-to person in my family, and amongst my peers. Although I admit I can be strange and peculiar, I have no shame in my eyebrow-popping mannerisms or humour. And yes yes yes I was ignored....no baby pictures are to be found! I will remind myself when I have my second child not to be shy of documenting his/her life. What I don't understand is at what point did parents realize....this is number 2.....not destined to be THE baby forever. What about people with 2 children? Does the birth order psychology for the youngest child cross lines with 2nd child psychology?
Regardless...I don't mind being in the middle. I am happy here. It's fun.
Oh well 'nuff to digest for now I guess. This is what I get for being sick and not being able to sleep...reading frivolous articles and venting bout insiginifcant details.

Posted by at 3:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Could you tell that I'm humming the bridal march? I guess not. Weeks ago I "complained" (such a strong word....mentioned?) that I was being avalanched by news of new babies and weddings, both of which I adore. But alongside these wedding news follows questions directed towards me...as in when will I be there...where they are. I always keep my happily ever after in mind but I am ever so cautious to pursue it without thought. I've witnessed far too many abruptly-encoutered and premature marriages and enough heartbreak and disappointment to cling to reality rather than fantasy. Not that I think happily ever after is not attainable.....but everything has its price doesn't it? This is sounding pessimistic and almost hopeless as I get further into it, but the bottom line is: I'd only like to get married once. Nothing quick and just for now and then bigger and better later or nothing almost sure and mabye settling...only a "yes, for sure, this is the one". People must feel this conviction once they've discovered it, hence the "spend the rest of my life with you" but that's only valid when its mutual. No relationship is smooth sailing everyday and marriage is not exempt from this truth. I'm scared of being trapped, unable to resolve difference....but the truth is if you're married - you work it out, no questions asked. I look at my parents and wonder if they are even a model for my happily ever and then I examine these fantasies...and realize it is mostly contrived by hollywood and dreams. And unfortunately marriages in Hollywood are the worst to look after. If there's anything I dream for a wedding, it is that nothing will bring it to end, only Happy Endings. On that note, check out these wedding statistics. Very interesting. To add, I hate it when people say, they "don't want to be a statistic". Aren't we all statistics of some sort? I'm very bad with analogies at times, hehehe. But HOLY CRAP, 43% end in divorce. Yikes...not a statistic I'd like to be a part of. How bout saying 57% live happily ever after :)

Posted by at 10:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Fidelity is simply the act of being faithful. This word is tossed around most commonly in the context of adulterous relationships. It might be easily forgotten that the act of being faithful means more than just being in one relationship. Inherent to fidelity is having faith in your relationship - that it can take on any challenge. Faith is a good thing....for any relationship. I always look to Sex and the City to dig up wisdom. I found Sex and The City quotes to fuel my faith.

Lately I've found myself easily losing faith in frienships that have fallen distant.

My FAVORITE SATC quote:
"Carrie: I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love"

Posted by at 12:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I posted my shoes on craigslist for trade. I love my shoes but they are not exactly the best fit. I can wear em but they aren't as snug as they should be are a bit too high for my taste. Anyway, I've been going back and forth and today someone posted this:

Jimmy Choo shoes: Wanted
Reply to: anon-99181216@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-09-22, 1:20AM PDT
All of you people trying to sell the shoes that you received for free last Sunday are idiots. Do you really think anybody will buy your shoes when they know you got them for free for only one, two, or in the boots case three hundred dollars off retail price. You’re crazy. Don't you know these shoes were made especially for Sunday’s event (that's why they have the stamp on the bottom). Jimmy Choo's are more comfortable and better made than those handed out (except auction). Also, for one, two, or three hundred dollars more, anybody in their right mind would rather buy it from a store, rather than save a few bucks and take a chance on Craigslist. Dumbass.

So in an email, I replied with THIS

Actually I think most people are just trying to trade, since some were not able to get their size. The price is mostly there for reference. I may just be speaking for myself since I did get in line to get a shoe for myself but was unfortunate to have a common size that ran out.
Furthermore, as a poster, there ARE actually people responding who would like to buy. It still beats going on ebay and trying to win shoes that might be either dated or used. These were not especially made for the promo but are marked with stamps labelled "sex and the city kron 4" on the soles and boxes, which probably make them more valuable. Some people got in line because they were BOTH Jimmy Choo AND Sex and the city Fans (like myself). Some of these styles are actually still on sale on bluefly or other discount sites for a lot more that what some people are trying to get rid of them for here. I'm also one of those people, along with the women that i met in line, who wouldn't or can't go into a store and happily afford these shoes.
I don’t think voicing your opinion with hostility is just as smart. I do agree with you and feel that the people who are simply just trying to make a profit are dumb.
Finally, I am not trying to argue with you or hope to go back and forth on this or even receive response. I just wanted to defend some of the reasons why there might be people posting here, because I am one those in which your opinion does not apply.
Thanks!

Anyway...I don't want to waste any more energy on it than I already did but this guy (i'm assuming its a he, sorry)was up at 120am browsing Jimmy Choo and took the time to sound like a dumbass.

The guy (it IS a guy) replied back to my email to redeem himself. LOL:

Hey, thanks for replying, I didn't think anyone would. As far as your response, I think it was very well written and I now see your point of view.
Again, thank you.

I love it when I'm right :)

Posted by at 2:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

just this week i got news of 4 of my friends' (disassociated friends - meaning friends that don't belong in the same social circle) weddings or plans for a wedding. good heavens i also just realized i've gone to a wedding every labor day weekend since 2000. (exbf's and my anniversary happens to fall on labor day as well). but anyway...i always take note of people who like to say "i feel old". well i won't say old but damn....i'd like to claim the gateway to adulthood here. you know instead of wild weekends in vegas i'll be attending numerous showers, weddings, baptisms, and children's birthday parites instead. i'm reminded of Carrie's (on Sex and the City - it's real to me) gripes about being single amidst all her domesticated friends and all the while she's been attending their milestones, she has none yet but herself to celebrate. thats not exactly me but i always say i got the headstart but it seems for sure i won't win the race. don't get me wrong - i love all those wonderful family-oriented obligations and special occassions but its different when you're one in the crowd as opposed to belonging to a circle of adults who may lose their taste for adolesence or perhaps youth entirely. basically this is a warning to all of you living your comfortable and "happily ever after" lives....don't forget to have fun in spite of the new worlds you've built in your perfect marriage, perfect home, and cute cuddly kids. i toast those who can have a drink and hang out at a party or even just see a movie instead of refuse to participate or associate with the rest of the world. i don't know anyone like this right now but i sure do hope that one day it won't be you, or me . i'm just a scaredy-cat girl who doesn't wanna grow up and be old or boring and say "remember the good ol' days".....and instead say "good times are still here". word bitches.

Posted by at 12:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

so for a while i've had these internal battles with my failed friendship with carmel and i never verbalize them because truthfully, i had hope that time would set things in place and really....have no one to vent to about such a seemingly and overly GIRLYproblem. i mean guys don't have the same kinds of run-ins amongst themselves so sometimes, i wish it could be that easy...let me ramble on. if you care to know (whats been on my mind lately regarding my beloved carmel)...

Continue reading "just had to do it..." »

Posted by at 12:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

the thief is this article has perpetrated my family as well!! he should be in jail by now! mo-fo ass ho

Posted by at 11:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

what would you put on a tshrit if you could? i know that they have all those shirts where you could make custom tees but haven't gotten around to it yet.

"tune in tokyo! tune in tokyo!"
"got got?"
"i hate homewrerckers"
front: "i suck" back of the shirt "i suck well"
if we had guammie shirts: "guammie: i speak english"

if these shirts exist please tell me so i can stock up. if not, maybe i should claim them now so no one copies me. maybe you have something more clever for a guammie shirt to suggest? something more insider. maybe we could have contest. and then make money and get some shirts done. oh but it will be another shirt to add to the shirt business trend. i would want something clever for sure if we did ever have a guammie shirt made. speaking of shirts, here's a site that jules recommended which has cool graphics: http://www.threadless.com

Posted by at 2:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Each time i've been to vegas...while i've had fun, its never really "clicked" for me. the gambling, second-hand smoke, drunk bastards, and desert heat just don't appeal to me. anyway this time around there's the opportunity (actually two) to be amongst friends for the sole purpose of partying....(instead of just new year's eve countdown or a funeral or a concert). but i still ask myself "is it worth it?". my dilemma this weekend is not having anyone to drive down with. the drive is tolerable if i have someone to relieve me for a bit. this was the lesson i learned when i drove to san diego with hazel and kylan. after 10 hours, my brain just refused to comprehend the road.
my biggest fear is being in the most akward and undesirable of situations. i'm never one for confrontation. i will openly admit to being passive in order to avoid pain or sadness.
i'm reminded of my bullied days. when i went to guam this last month, i saw my "bully" not once but thrice! and i don't even think she had a clue because she smiled and made eye contact once. or maybe she did and was deliberately trying to eat away at my self esteem. so many times i've told myself i would let her know how she's damaged my mental insides but obviously i'm still damaged because i just don't have it in me to face her. i'll have to face my demons one day.
Six Feet Under (*moment of silence*) had a good portrayal of ridding inner demons this past SERIES finale on sunday. It was a perfectly sad ending, nothing more. Again, one of my most-loved shows is being taken off the air. Nothing lasts forever.

Posted by at 1:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

this morning on my drive to work i witnessed a jeep flip over and bang into the side of the freeway. no other cars were hit but i couldn't help but think..."what if i were right next to that car!?"...i was about 4 car lengths away from it when it happened and it was bizarre watching it in silence, and almost in slow-motion. i can only hope that the driver survived.

on monday, i spilled coffee (i hardly ever drink coffee!) inches away from the new (spensif and fancy-schmancy) purse that exbf bought for me, and i was like OMG, "what if it ruined my purse!"....

anyway i don't believe in "what ifs"...because you simply can't dwell on something that didn't happen and should only be concerend with the relevant, what actually happened. i sometimes rethink the whole "everything happens for a reason" and dare to reverse that to, instead, we create logic to justify what has happened. everything happens with reasons!

Posted by at 10:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i've said it before...relationships require compromises. not in the sense that you're settling for less...but its about willing to make sacrifices and not at the expense of your loved one's growth. ultimatums are BAD. demands signify insecurity and lack of reason. love does not need reason.

Posted by at 1:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

that was the most advanced technology displayed at the science fair. did i feel bad? not at all...proud i must say. our shit was cool too...not another volcano, circuit board, or bean plant. but our priorities went out the window when we ditched to see shrek 2. i still think the first one was funnier....but this was worth the spectacle. im a shrek fan. exbf and i are ogres at heart. i bought joshy bear a talking shrek doll and boy did he love it. he was jumping up and down doing his kung fu moves...thats when you know he's enjoying himself...he breaks out the kung fu.

Posted by at 8:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

NOT PROMISES....are an undeniable part of every relationship. most contest "never to compromise" one's self. this i find selfish. compromises not only imply, but necessitate a point of meeting to please both parties. this makes sense since there are TWO in the relationship. so the concept that two people are working together to make two people happy is an idea that's not hard to swallow.

Posted by at 1:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

lately kylan's been watching more vh1 than the cartoon network. so far i haven't seen reason for censorship or restricting. i just had no clue that he could be so easily swayed into pop culture. i suppose the exposure will fill him in. i'll start worrying if he starts wanting to dress inappropriately. i've always been a fan of shaving off the sugar coating when it comes to parenting. it may be i treat him older than he really is or its already imbedded in my head that he's a BOY not a baby. and truthfully he does have the capacity to understand if need be. its just funny. at least he's starting off with vh1 and not MTV or even moreso, BET.

Posted by at 10:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

so i REALLY did forget that there was a parent's meeting for kylan's ccd class on saturday. to my "delight" they (st. anne's school of religion) had left a message with joshy's sitter informing her that he will not be receiving his first holy communion because we missed the meeting. i found this to be disturbing for several reasons: it was ONE class....i mean kylan even attended his scheduled class earlier that day; there were no reminders-the last parent meeting was in january; the kids were not informed-kylan wasn't notified either that there would be a meeting; before the last parent meeting, they were calling home and sending letters beforehand. so ANYHOO....the coordinator finally calls me back and reiterates that he cannot be inlcuded because they had prepared for the select few and parents that miss meetings are entitled to those consequences. my main concern was how he would resume with the next group of sacrament recipients, if this was the case and if he would still attend his saturday classes as scheduled. so she goes on and on about how much time and hard work it takes to coordinate parent meetings blah blah and before elaborating...ends the conversation by telling me that there is a makeup meeting on wednesday at 6pm. but not before making me feel guilty for my wrong doing and outlining her sacrifices. i wasn't argumentive and only apologetic and yet she had to go through the drama of telling me that kylan won't be included in first holy communoin for MISSING one class and withholding the fact that there was already a makeup meeting scheduled and other parents had missed as well. ugh. talk about institutional silliness.

Posted by at 11:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The following list is from a movie to be released "my life without me". i thought it sounded sad yet thought-provoking. its about a 23-year old mother/wife who finds out she's dying and makes a list of things to do before dying. very morbid but real. im wondering if it'll be worth watching.

tell my daugthers i love them several times a day don't tell anyone, ever find don a new wife record yearly birthday messages for the girls thru age 18 smoke and drink as much as i want sleep with another man, just to see what its like make someone fall in love with me

Posted by at 2:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

so today a good friend of mine told me that i "need to be appreciated more" and right he is! in high school i read a book called "the road less travelled" and we learned about the concept of "delayed gratification"...meaning doing good without expecting immediate return and instead awaiting for ultimate good to come my way. my theology teacher would probably be pleased to know that i remember these lessons. but anyway...where the hell is my gratification? i would have to argue that people are way too comfortable with my level of "nice". i even remember taking one of those "YM" magazine quizzes back in high school..."are you a doormat?" i think i would still score very highly. maybe, again, its my mom's fault for modelling her passive and overly thoughtful ways...and for worrying too much about what the hell people think.....
my horoscope (i am not an avid believer of astrology) says that as a taurean, im supposed to be a raging bull....silent yet dangerous when aggravated. hrmm i have yet to wait for that raging bull. i will have to admit im a raging mom sometimes. i think that when i do show signs of anger or bluntness to people...it is misinterpreted....not taken too seriously or my point is not taken at all. and if ever i do cross my level of "niceness"...then people will think this is bad "oooohhh mimi is pissed"...followed by "she'll get over it". and i do because i am overly forgiving. there are only a handful of people who have wronged me (namely 3) who have managed to stay on my bad side and will never get an ounce of forgiveness from me. and i vow to unleash my raging bull on them when given the chance to one of these days. (if you know me well...you're probalby thinking "yeah right") ONE OF THESE DAYS.....i will break of this fragile shell and one of these days i will feel more appreciated than the day before. its all about delayed gratification but for now i'll call it delayed appreciation.

Posted by at 3:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

what i learned from the can today: exbf's FHM issue beckoned me to thumb through its pages. this was not only interesting reading but it prompted me to sit there for a bit longer than usual...i almost felt like a man. i'm the kind of girl that finds taking a crap taboo...i mean the idea of it is taboo. don't get me wrong....taking a crap is necessary and relieving but i also wish it was one of those things that i didn't have to think about doing. it just seems dirty. err it is! its crap! when i can, i do the number two in the dark (so i dont have to look at myself doing it or even accidentally catch a glimpse of my lovely creation) and .... (hold your breath) with my legs crossed...to maintain "grace and poise" by all means. only time lights go on is when its clean up time. i prefer pooping in the daylight without the beams of artificial light possibly adding to this ugly sight. anyhoo if you're wondering why i titled this entry. i was inspired by FHM... this month had jenny mcCarthy and exbf attests that she looked "damn hot". i dunno i thought she looks like white trash who won a make-over on extreme makeover. yes nice purky boobs...but the rest is airbrush magic. her outifts were on the cutesy side...i've seen better. why am i bothered? we have different tastes in women. or to put it in another way...he finds hot those that i do not. does it even matter? NO. but he's with me....and uhm i don't think i'm hot not to say that anyone does...but uhm nevermind i don't know where i'm going with this one. oh wait..it hit me. i don't like his taste in women therefore that must mean i don't agree with his liking of me?! eh? nvm. okay he even thought jenna was hotter than heidi in survivor amazon. okay nvm....sometimes she was but her attitude stunk! bitches can't be hot! its just not allowed. maybe i just "knew" her too much. but i know what exbf would be thinking: im overanalyzing. again. hey thats what blogs are for. you don't even have to read this whole entry. you can stop when you think its unbearable or unecessary. but ill keep bloging assuming that nobody reads this stuff.

Posted by at 9:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i know you may have seen this forward. but its one of my favorites! yeah im no fan of forwards...but i'm a fan of vaginas! do you love em or what? hehehe. just some humor for your day. The most comprehensive vagina nickname list in the world vagina, pussy, bearded clam, vertical smile, beaver, cunt, trim, hair pie, bearded ax wound, tuna taco, fur burger, cooch, cooter, punani, snatch, twat, lovebox, box, poontang, cookie, fuckhole, love canal, flower, nana, pink taco, cat, catcher's mitt, muff, roast beef curtains, the cum dump, chocha, black hole, sperm sucker, fish sandwich, cock warmer, whisker biscuit, carpet, love hole, deep socket, cum craver, cock squeezer, slice of heaven, flesh cavern, the great divide, cherry, tongue depressor, clit slit, hatchet wound, honey pot, quim, meat massager, chacha, stinkhole, black hole of calcutta, cock socket, pink taco, bottomless pit, dead clam, cum crack, twat, rattlesnake canyon, bush, cunny, flaps, fuzz box, fuzzy wuzzy, gash, glory hole, grumble, man in the boat, mud flaps, mound, peach, pink, piss flaps, the fish flap, love rug, vadge, the furry cup, stench-trench, wizard's sleeve, DNA dumpster, tuna town, split dick, bikini bizkit, cock holster, cockpit, snooch, kitty kat, poody tat, grassy knoll, cold cut combo, Jewel box, rosebud, curly curtains, furry furnace, slop hole, velcro love triangle, nether lips, where Uncle's doodle goes, altar of love, cupid's cupboard, bird's nest, bucket, cock-chafer, love glove, serpent socket, spunk-pot, hairy doughnut, fun hatch, spasm chasm, red lane, stinky speedway, bacon hole, belly entrance, nookie, sugar basin, sweet briar, breakfast of champions, wookie, fish mitten, fuck pocket, hump hole, pink circle, silk igloo, scrambled eggs between the legs, black oak, Republic of Labia, juice box, Golden Palace, fetus flaps, skins, sausage wallet. Holiest of Holies, sugar hole, The Death of Adam, home plate, Deer Hoof, Golden Arches, Cats Paw, Mule Nose, Yo Yo Smuggler, Mumbler (Aussie), Dinner Roll, Crotch Waffle, Piss Fenders, crack, Melvin, Dove Breast, Brakepads, Vedgie, Slurpy, Vacuum Vulva, Pastrami Flaps, Hot Tamaki Walk, Buffalo Gums, Rooster Jaws, Wagon Ruts, Beaver Teeth, Mumble Pants (Sweden), Ninja Boot, Marcia (Aussie), Skin Canoe, Fatty, Mossy Jaw, The Big W, Chia Hole, Lip Jeans, Beetle Hood, Hungry Minge, Sausage Wallet, Front Bottom, Welly Top, Frum, Pancake Fold, Tongue Roll, Bologna Flap-Over, Furrogi (Poland), Fortune Nookie (China), Bearded Taco, Calamari Cockring, Displabia, Slot Pocket, Bluntfrunt, Fishamjig, Pole Magnet, Pocket Pie, Clamarama, kitty cage, Chicken's tongue, Conch shell, Crack of heaven, Dog's mouth, Door of life, Fly catcher, Fruit cup, Jelly roll, Lobster pot, bunny tuft, KNISH, her asshole neighbor, lotus, nappy dugout, moneymaker, womens weapon, tackle box, bone hider, red sea, pizzo, JIZZ RECEPTICLE, The Helmut Hide-A-Way, hairy heaven, furry 8 ball rack, crave cave, arbys with fur, fish canyon, toolshed, snake charmer, Furby, Enchilada of love, Ham sandwich, Camarillo brillo, Brazilian caterpillar, dick rack, boy in the canoe, flesh tuxedo, Mound of Venus, queef quarters, Venus butterfly, cooter, cream canal, poontang pie, wet mark, private area, thresher, punash, salami garage, tunnel of love, slurpee machine, pink cookie, penalty box, ground zero, meat crease, bait, birth canal, holy grail, pole hole, pork pie, fuzz bucket, one-eyed python trail, bubble gum by the bum, stink rink, theme park, saloon doors, pink truffle, bitter & twisted, burger bar, meat counter, temperamental ringpiece, python syphon, big bud, the Wombsday Book, the condo downstate, snake lake, the indoor barbecue, pound cake, beef tomato, tickled pink, launch pad, horn of pl enty, the indoor picnic, hamper of goodies, flapped bap, bonefish, close encounter with the turd kind, sperm bank, man's charity bash, bush tucker, midnight dip, the one-door vulva, the welcome opponent, the Twatlantic Ocean, temporary lodgings, field of dreams, bean, cooze, old catchers mitt, devil's hole, lucy, pish buffet, pooswaa, poonaner, davey jones locker, pink panther, tinker bell, south mouth, dick eater, wonder bread, wolly bolly, foxhole, hot pocket, head catcher, Lawrence of A Labia, silk funnel, dick driver, purple people penis eater, meat curtains, ponchita, cherry pop tart, fat rabbit, scunt, pee jaws, mingus, The Notorious V.A.G., stench trench, poon jab, nappy dugout, babyoven, penis parking, cooter muffin, the promised land, cock pocket, cha cha, the shrine, bitch ditch, fury pink mink, mammal hole, ever-lasting cum stopper, the toothless blow job, happy flappy, wilt chamberlian's daily glove, the code defierthe salt water taffy factory, mommy's pie, the easy bake oven, the deflower patch, the virginator, the schlong sucker, the dea bone patch, the vegitarian's temptation, the vegan store, the blow hole, the pump protector, bag pipe, Spitball Bullseye, meat wagon, pickle stinker, jezebel's smell, yoni, willys haven, scrumpter, peach, sweat box, yeast pocket, penis warmer, tampon tunnel, penis pothole, cucumber canal, egg drop Box, sperm shack, dick dungeon, cock curator, b.o.b.'s bungalow, mommy parts, tuna pot pie, nice slice, peter vise, cock sock, rack of clam, peters grove, penis purse, grandest canyon, fish dish, banana box, tuna spread, pink portal, count fapula, red river gorge, happy valley, revolving in/out door, baby zipper, richards house, stop-n-pop, bone polisher, packin shack, weiner wrap, clap trap, camel toe, dildo hotel, axe gash, pearl hotel, sea food six pack, clam canal, coose canal, dick deposit, wand waxer, vidgie, erie canal, candy kiss, gauntlet, round mound of beehound,lick n' stick, lap flounder, tomahawk chop, chin-chin, pachinko, cuntry pie, lip tip, the big casino, one eyed worm hole, amazon forest, cock cave, fuck donut, coochie pop, babby, wet seal, pissy froth hole, bald biscuit, the unmentionable, mans ruin, peeshie, hairy potter, courtney cocksleve, panty hamster,deep pink, jaws of life, gizmo, faith, cock magnet, slippery slide, Meat tunnel, pink heaven, squid, dick basket, hot spot, poochika, pudding, bowl, love cave, squeeze-box, quim, honey pot, the bone collector, goodie basket, depository, pink turtleneck, bread-box, little debbie, pole hole, pandora's box,snail tracker, cuntzilla, homebase, pud pocket, bear trap, indian bones and the temple of poon, chanch, big montana, noochie, choot, golden valley, nappy roots, dick mitten, mystical fold

Posted by at 2:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

so yesterday and today i took over administrative duties at work for a little bit since our admin mgr and her assistant are out of the office. i realize what admin people do....some mundane things mostly. this was my list of things to do in the morning: turn on all the lights change the date on the stamps fill all the copiers and printers with paper distribute all received faxes recycle yesterday's newspaper make 10cups of coffee answer phones and then the rest of the day progresses with paper work, phone calls, and oh yeah...mail. i only had to do opening and closing stuff.... i've been busy with some clients and its been fun. very productive 3 day work week!

Posted by at 3:25 AM | Permalink