mimi's island

[ s o t d]: Mandolin Rain

get out of my life.

today i uttered these words to the man i thought held some hint of respect to the relationship i've provided him with for the last 9 years. today i vow to have shed the last of my tears with the revelation that his love never existed. why i let myself enable this charade for even longer than it should have is a question that will echo in my life for years to come. i thought that even as friends, there was something salvageable and worthy of forgiveness but in my darkest hour, i can only find light in learning the truth. he will never grasp that it was i who had simply chose to love him even with empty promises and delayed returns. it was me who had freely given myself to him, his needs, and his family even without the real promise of his commitment and armed only with faith that our time would come. all this on my own accord was given out of choice and not necessity. i don't need him in my life. the haphazard lengths he went through to make me believe that i held some importance in his life have been overshadowed by his never-ending capacity to bring me to tears. he let me believe that he was remorseful and loved me yet could easily resort to his familiar ways of lying, disregarding my emotions, and easily disposing his time to another woman. all the i love you's and i'm sorry's amount to nothing and can only fuel my new hopes of finding true happiness and the real love that has been due to me since the beginning.

From Steve Martin's lovely novella-turned-hollywood film, Shopgirl:

Ray Porter: As Ray Porter watches Mirabelle walk away he feels a loss. How is it possible, he thinks, to miss a woman whom he kept at a distance so that when she was gone he would not miss her. Only then does he realize that wanting part of her and not all of her had hurt them both and how he cannot justify his actions except that... well... it was life.