mimi's island

[s o t d]: Never Love Again, Anthony Hamilton

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
perhaps the problem for me is that i held on to this too much because i never anticipated the loss. it's such an exhausting risk to have given so much and i am emotionally spent. tonight i reflect on the realization that this hardship rests solely on me. he is able to move on without conscience, blindly take steps without looking back, and inflict more pain without taking any for himself. he is able to let go without remorse and without any realization of the extent of his actions. i have been debilihitated for days. today marks one month of being in this tumultuous emotional storm. there are moments of soothing calm and moments of unpredictable unrest. i feel confident and strong yet unsure and weak all at the same time and i don't even know how this came about. there was a time when i was frequently haunted by bad dreams about what i had feared and things of the past. and now that i'm living those nightmares, i wish i could wake up and undo this all. i was told i used to whimper and cry in my sleep until i was awaken and now i wish it were just as easy.