to vegas or not to vegas
Each time i've been to vegas...while i've had fun, its never really "clicked" for me. the gambling, second-hand smoke, drunk bastards, and desert heat just don't appeal to me. anyway this time around there's the opportunity (actually two) to be amongst friends for the sole purpose of partying....(instead of just new year's eve countdown or a funeral or a concert). but i still ask myself "is it worth it?". my dilemma this weekend is not having anyone to drive down with. the drive is tolerable if i have someone to relieve me for a bit. this was the lesson i learned when i drove to san diego with hazel and kylan. after 10 hours, my brain just refused to comprehend the road.
my biggest fear is being in the most akward and undesirable of situations. i'm never one for confrontation. i will openly admit to being passive in order to avoid pain or sadness.
i'm reminded of my bullied days. when i went to guam this last month, i saw my "bully" not once but thrice! and i don't even think she had a clue because she smiled and made eye contact once. or maybe she did and was deliberately trying to eat away at my self esteem. so many times i've told myself i would let her know how she's damaged my mental insides but obviously i'm still damaged because i just don't have it in me to face her. i'll have to face my demons one day.
Six Feet Under (*moment of silence*) had a good portrayal of ridding inner demons this past SERIES finale on sunday. It was a perfectly sad ending, nothing more. Again, one of my most-loved shows is being taken off the air. Nothing lasts forever.